Bringing Up Men

Dipika Chaurasia

It is an obvious fact that only the perpetrator can help in controlling his/her actions against the victim in the first place and then can other measures follow from the victim to retort and tackle the issue. And I believe that the reforms in the attitude of men (perpetrator here) can come only if they are brought up with right values by their families and schools in their formative years.

Dispelling my prejudiced and stereotypical notions, I recently realized that men/ boys even from well-off family background educated in the best of schools and colleges falter in behaving the right way with women and often engage in distasteful activities with respect to women .One of the most prevalent attitudes in youngsters nowadays is to talk and address women as they are made only for men’s sexual pleasure and fantasies and are supposed to have perfect bodies. There lies the point that they view women as animated beautiful, ‘sexy’ objects devoid of characteristics of a human being. Hence follow the similar actions.

Let alone outside the house, in many households happen the subtle violence on a daily basis by husbands, fathers, brothers and sons about which we are very much aware.

Be it bus, metro, professional institute, retail outlet, road and every other place available, women face various kinds of violence everyday which is difficult to escape. The problem is that there seems no cure to kill this menace!

The encouragement given to women to retaliate and create a scene or hit back on being violated seem impractical to me as most of the times there is a fear of embarrassment or helplessness and fear of being avenged by the perpetrator.

Here is one example I would like to share which I can recall of my growing up years.

In our neighborhood came a family of three comprising of a couple and their 2 year old son. The woman was golden eyed, fair, beautiful and matched all requirements of a perfect daughter-in-law except that she was not highly qualified. Since they lived adjacent to our house, we developed good friendship with them and I often visited this lady (Aunty) as she used to treat me and my sister as her friends and keenly used to tell us her stories and cook delicious dishes for us. Since her husband was a businessman, their house was full of luxuries. They had a helper who used to fetch vegetables and groceries not because they wanted to flaunt their lifestyle but because this Aunty was barred from going outside house for anything. She was not even allowed to visit beauty parlor but prior to some occasions, I used to take her to the nearest one secretively. Often her husband used to drink and beat her up and she could not hide the bruises on our inspection. She was so fed up with the domestic violence happening with her everyday that she expressed her wish to commit suicide often but for the sake of her son and parents, was in dilemma. Also her mother-in-law who often visited them instigated her son against his wife and equally treated her cruelly. Except for us, she had no one to share this with. She was not even allowed to visit her maternal house on some or the other excuse by her in-laws. She had all kinds of material luxuries at her feet except for happiness and human rights.

They eventually shifted and I don’t know where and how she is right now. It has been approximately 8-9 years since they left but her memories are still vivid in my mind because I was a kid then and was touched with what I saw and felt. And imagine what her son must be picking up when he sees his father beating his mother?

This Blog is part of the Men Say No Blogathon, encouraging men to take up action against the violence faced by women.

More entries to the Blogathon can be read at www.mustbol.in/blogathon. Join further conversation on facebook.com/delhiyouth & twitter.com/mustbol